{"id":56965,"date":"2022-02-14T07:35:24","date_gmt":"2022-02-14T07:35:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/?p=56965"},"modified":"2022-02-14T10:05:21","modified_gmt":"2022-02-14T10:05:21","slug":"changing-adapting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/changing-adapting\/","title":{"rendered":"Changing and adapting &#8211; David&#8217;s story"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/mpgGsVeW4_0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>When David began enjoying nights out again after his spinal cord injury, he feared letting things get too far with women he met.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>If attention came my way I\u2019d respond, but in the back of my mind I\u2019d be thinking, I can\u2019t take this any further because I didn\u2019t want them coming back to my place and explaining all the stuff about bowels, bladder and sexual function.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Although happy to enjoy a bit of flirting, fears around how things would progress took over, battering an already fragile confidence.<\/p>\n<p>David remembers feeling wary of putting himself out there in case of rejection.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf attention came my way I\u2019d respond,\u201d David says, \u201cBut in the back of my mind I\u2019d be thinking, \u2018I can\u2019t take this any further because I didn\u2019t want them coming back to my place and explaining all the stuff about bowels, bladder and sexual function.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019d have felt like I was trapping someone \u2013 they didn\u2019t know what they were letting themselves in for. It was easier just not to let things go that far.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David, from Manchester, was 20 years old when he was injured at T8 following a hit and run accident during a summer break in Thailand in 2015.<\/p>\n<p>He has little memory of what happened. Alongside his spinal injury, he sustained a catalogue of other injuries and needed friends to piece together many of the events leading up to and following the accident.<\/p>\n<p>After returning from Thailand, David spent several weeks in hospital before moving to the specialist spinal unit at Southport where a complete injury was eventually confirmed.<\/p>\n<p>While processing this news, several thoughts were uppermost in David\u2019s mind, not least of all, would he be able to have sex again?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I was only 20 and I\u2019d started seeing someone. I was told it was possible but with the lack of sexual function, I\u2019d just need to use things like Viagra. It didn\u2019t work. I kept my fingers crossed every day that sensation would return<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>\u201cIt was one of the first questions I asked,\u201d he remembers, \u201cI was only 20 and I\u2019d started seeing someone. I was told it was possible but with the lack of sexual function, I\u2019d just need to use things like Viagra. It didn\u2019t work. I kept my fingers crossed every day that sensation would return.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThings didn\u2019t work out with her and that really knocked my confidence.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>David used dating apps and had a few other sexual encounters which mostly left him feeling vulnerable, serving as a painful reminder of a life he felt was now closed to him. Mentally, he began drawing a line through the idea of ever having a sexual, loving relationship again.<\/p>\n<p>Then, while out with friends one night he met an old family friend, Helen, and they exchanged numbers. After a first date of dinner and drinks, it proved the beginning of something pretty special.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019ve been together over three years now. It was a slow build up, we had a couple of dates and really talked. Things moved at the right pace for me. It was like being a virgin again,\u201d says David. \u201cI knew sex wouldn\u2019t be the same so I was a bit hesitant. You worry about not being able to get it up or different things going wrong. I didn\u2019t want to let her down.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>You have to adapt and change things. We\u2019re quite open &#8211; things go wrong but you laugh and learn<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>For David, now 27, and one of SIA\u2019s support network coordinators, what\u2019s worked has been openness and talking. Accepting things might be different but that they can still be fulfilling and satisfying and sharing advice and tips with other SCI men has helped too.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou have to adapt and change things. We\u2019re quite open &#8211; things go wrong but you laugh and learn,\u201d says David. \u201cWe discuss what we do and don\u2019t like. I use a penile injection now which is stronger and more effective than Viagra; it\u2019s maybe not the most romantic thing, but you adapt. You use what\u2019s available &#8211; your hands, mouth. It works &#8211; we\u2019re very happy and have a good sex life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The chance to become a parent in the future was also on David\u2019s mind after his accident. Alongside affecting sexual function, most men with a complete injury lose the ability to ejaculate. Concerned about the impact on his fertility, he took the opportunity to have sperm frozen. And now in a trusting, loving relationship, David and Helen feel ready to explore their options with IVF.<\/p>\n<p>So, what advice does David have for newly injured men about sex and relationships after SCI?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTalk to someone who understands,\u201d he says. \u201cI wish I\u2019d spoken about stuff sooner. I repressed it and when I had these bad sexual experiences, I\u2019d have a cry and bury it again. But it builds up and then it starts to eat you up inside.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>Further information<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/267270780136213\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The SCI Powder Room on Facebook.<\/a> This is a female-only, private group covering personal, sensitive and female-related topics.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/nspine.teachable.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Sex and the Spine<\/a> \u2013 easily accessible and trusted resources on sexual well-being from professional experts.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.spokz.co.uk\/sex-aids.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Spokz<\/a> \u2013 Online shop offering products aimed at enhancing sexual wellbeing for disabled people<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/shada.org.uk\/sex-disability-info\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Sexual Health and Disability Alliance (SHADA)<\/a> are involved in the positive promotion of sex for disabled people. This link provides a list of numerous sex-related resources<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"btn_solid accent_lilac\" href=\"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/category\/sex-and-sci\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">SEX after SPINAL CORD INJURY<\/a><\/p>\n<p>If you would like to discuss any of the issues mentioned above with someone like David who has lived experience of SCI <a href=\"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/find-support-now\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">visit our support page<\/a> to find the contact for your area.\u00a0 Alternatively you can ring our support line on 0800 980 0501 or <a href=\"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/contact-our-sci-nurse-specialists\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">request a call from one of our SCI specialist nurses.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When David began enjoying nights out again after his spinal cord injury, he feared letting things get too far with&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":739,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[454],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56965"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/739"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56965"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56965\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57095,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56965\/revisions\/57095"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56965"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56965"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56965"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}