{"id":56983,"date":"2022-02-14T07:30:49","date_gmt":"2022-02-14T07:30:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/?p=56983"},"modified":"2022-02-14T08:56:14","modified_gmt":"2022-02-14T08:56:14","slug":"intimacy-later-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/intimacy-later-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Intimacy in later life"},"content":{"rendered":"

Most of us know relationships are ever-changing and not always easy. Here, Joy Sinclair, Ageing Well Consultant, shares advice on maintaining intimacy in your later years.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you\u2019ve been together for decades you know there are ups and downs along the way, and that you learn from these challenges and come out the other side with a better understanding of each other.\u00a0 And no matter your age, relationships are always a work in progress.<\/p>\n

What can affect a relationship?<\/h2>\n

Routine<\/strong><\/p>\n

While some people thrive on routine, others can feel trapped and resentful, so if the latter is true, try to remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.<\/p>\n

Lack of communication<\/strong><\/p>\n

Most of us forget how essential it is to stay verbally in touch with one another. Talking about difficult issues if put off for too long, become more difficult to tackle and resolve.<\/p>\n

Appreciating that people can change over time helps to keep things in perspective.<\/p>\n

Differing interest<\/strong><\/p>\n

You may have shared common interests and hobbies which brought you together in the first place. After SCI such interests may prove difficult to continue. It\u2019s important that each partner enjoys their own special interests, but shared activities shouldn\u2019t be abandoned – they may just require some negotiation to keep both parties happy.<\/p>\n

Loss of libido<\/strong><\/p>\n

Libido can be affected by a variety of factors in later life, especially if your health is failing. (Editor\u2019s note: see P xx for more advice on this.) \u00a0Pain, particularly caused by chronic conditions such as arthritis and chronic fatigue are common risk factors, as are complications with your normal bladder and bowel management. Mental health issues such as depression and some medications can affect libido, as can the menopause in women.<\/p>\n

Dual role<\/strong><\/p>\n

In some relationships following SCI, partners may perform a dual role as both lover and carer. This is not the ideal situation for some couples and both partners need to be quite clear on how the transition from one role to the other is achieved and how it is to be sustained.<\/p>\n

Retirement<\/strong><\/p>\n

This brings its own challenges, as partners are often not used to being with each other 24 hours a day. You may have had grand plans for your retirement which are no longer possible, this may affect you or even cause resentment in your partner.<\/p>\n

Falling in love, planning ahead<\/h2>\n

Falling in love with your carer\/PA is not unusual, especially among SCI people. When you are spending many hours with someone, especially if that person is performing very personal tasks, it can be a natural transition. These relationships are no different to any other relationship and can achieve long-lasting happiness or may end due to a variety of reasons.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Planning ahead is important and it\u2019s always a good idea to have something to look forward to, no matter how small. \u00a0It could involve visiting distant friends and family. \u00a0There\u2019s no doubt that spending time with grandchildren brings you closer together and is hugely pleasurable.<\/p>\n

Regularly putting aside time to do things without each other is also important, while accepting that you don\u2019t always enjoy the same activities. \u00a0Meeting friends for coffee, a beer or a trip to the cinema can be very rewarding. \u00a0Respecting each other\u2019s space and needs becomes an integral part of surviving the later years.<\/p>\n

Acknowledging and understanding each other, enjoying each other\u2019s company and sharing an emotional closeness, which has developed over many years together, can all give greater satisfaction than physical or sexual activity.<\/p>\n

If you are injured later in life<\/h2>\n

When you sustain an SCI later in life, you may have enjoyed many years in a sexually fulfilling relationship with your partner. This can all change very suddenly, leaving you wondering how you can re-establish the physical side of your lives. It\u2019s natural to feel bewildered and awkward. It\u2019s important to seek professional help if you are not coping with life after SCI.<\/p>\n

We often forget how our sexual journeys started as a couple. Try getting back to basics; kissing, touching, eye contact, remembering your partner\u2019s erogenous zones, hugging (even hugging releases \u2018feel good\u2019 hormones). Even little things, such as making an effort with your appearance, are often appreciated. Trying something different, such as massage, can be rewarding for both people.<\/p>\n

Going into a nursing home<\/h2>\n

Maintaining a physical relationship with your partner will prove challenging in this environment. You may feel awkward about raising the subject of intimacy and privacy with members of staff, but we all have a right to expect a degree of privacy.<\/p>\n

Nursing home staff may equally feel unprepared about how to handle issues of sexuality and requests for privacy. Some nursing homes provide holiday accommodation where a partner can stay for a limited period, while permanent accommodation for couples may also be an option.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s not just couples for whom sexuality is important. If you\u2019re single, it can be difficult to meet someone for friendship or intimacy, especially if you are unable to leave the premises unaccompanied. You may find using an on-line dating site is a good option.<\/p>\n

And finally…<\/h2>\n

The pandemic has certainly taught us many lessons some of which have sadly been extremely harsh. It\u2019s also brought to the fore some words and phrases designed to help us survive during unprecedented times. These may well become vital mantras for the future; reflection, gratitude, being kind to each other and laughing.<\/p>\n

Further information<\/h2>\n

The SCI Powder Room on Facebook.<\/a> This is a female-only, private group covering personal, sensitive and female-related topics.<\/p>\n

Sex and the Spine<\/a> \u2013 easily accessible and trusted resources on sexual well-being from professional experts.<\/p>\n

Spokz<\/a> \u2013 Online shop offering products aimed at enhancing sexual wellbeing for disabled people<\/p>\n

Sexual Health and Disability Alliance (SHADA)<\/a> are involved in the positive promotion of sex for disabled people. This link provides a list of numerous sex-related resources<\/p>\n

SEX after SPINAL CORD INJURY<\/a><\/p>\n

If you would like to discuss any of the issues mentioned above with someone who has lived experience of SCI visit our support page<\/a> to find the contact for your area.\u00a0 Alternatively you can ring our support line on 0800 980 0501 or request a call from one of our SCI specialist nurses.<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of us know relationships are ever-changing and not always easy. Here, Joy Sinclair, Ageing Well Consultant, shares advice on…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":739,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[454],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56983"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/739"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56983"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56983\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57089,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56983\/revisions\/57089"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56983"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56983"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/armanios.co.uk\/dev\/sia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56983"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}